The elusive something

I appreciate the irony of the fact I somehow avoided posting many blogs in March, the month which I previously tagged as THE month to sort out my life.

Life, as usual, intervened. Somehow it is now April. I finish up on the Milford in a mere three weeks. And then I am officially unemployed. Lordy.

This is obviously the ideal time at which I proudly spill what my Something else is. All that musing, that healthy acceptance of the unknown, that return to the freshness of the wilderness - wasn't it supposed to lead to some previously hidden but now glaringly obvious next step?

I wish.

In reality, my thoughts are as coherent as scrambled eggs. Except that scrambled eggs at least are consistent in that they usually turn out to be yellow. My thoughts might as well range from green to purple to downright invisible.

The other week I comforted myself by ordering my current range of options into a spreadsheet. I took some time to then rank aforementioned options (all 12, that number coincidentally being my lucky number). Then I spent a good hour on reformatting the table (shout out to my Bell Gully days). After that, I re-ranked pretty much every one of my options, then deleted the column altogether.

So back to square one. It's like a guessing game. What am I? What am I going to be? And when am I going to be it?

Well, I'm a lawyer. A writer. A guide. A traveller. A volunteer. An academic. Which one is my best self, I'm not entirely sure. But one thing I've learnt to trust over the past six months is my gut instinct. So when it comes to the crunch, I'm going to go with my poku.

As for what I should be? Clearly, I'm not sure yet. But I definitely want to draw on the skillset that is most likely to make me awesome at stuff.

And timing? Yikes. I might have to take a step back to go a step forward, at some point, but at least I'll still be going somewhere.

So. Scrambled eggs for thoughts, for now. But life is moving on. And inevitably, I am too.

Anna WatsonFiordland